Unhappy Haircuts

16 Jan

I have 'my hair always looks like shit' syndrome

The saying “You’re Only As Strong As Your Weakest Link” is best understood using the analogy of a metal chain. I shall attempt to explain it using the Superman Analogy.

Superman’s X-ray vision allows him to see through walls or bodies to see if someone’s lungs are pretty much screwed up by smoking. His heat vision allows him to cut open a can of sardines without accidently cutting himself, oh wait his invulnerability will keep that from happening anyway.

He’s also super fast. We will never know if he’s faster than Flash but we know he can fly and at super speed, allowing him to turn back time by orbiting Earth in a counter direction to save his girlfriend from dying. Anakin Skywalker must be cursing the ‘force’ for not being that amazing.

Fire? No worries, Superman can put out any sort of fire in one breath. The list goes on, but it all doesn’t look that great once Superman is exposed to Kryptonite. Kryptonite kills Superman like how insecticide kills roaches. Heck, even roaches evolve to become invulnerable to insecticide.

Unfortunately, that will never happen to Superman. So no matter how strong, fast, far he sees, high he flies or invulnerable he is, he can’t stand Kryptonite. There you go, Superman is only as strong as his weakest link.

I’m kinda like a chain or Superman. Don’t get me wrong, the only ‘S’ I can emblazon on my shirt is more commonly spelled with an ‘A’ and ends with an ‘SS’.

What I mean is, over the years I’ve understood that encouragement is better than discouragement, a calm & gentle tone is favored more than an unreasonable yell, being in the customer service line taught me that even if you have a complaint, drafting it in the form of a feedback rather than complaint gains more immediate action than an angry complaint email.

I understand that accidents happen & why certain people act in a certain way which helps me be more tolerable with things that happen around me. These are my ‘super powers’ and my kryptonite is… getting my hair cut.

I’ve never liked cutting my hair. Back when I was a kid, mine was always long & shaped like a helmet. I was those kids who had to be dragged to the barber. Not bribed.

Asian parents don’t believe in bribing kids. Asian parents believe in rewards. Two kinds of rewards, ‘if you get your hair cut you get to continue living in my house’ or ‘if you don’t stop being a nuisance & march into the barber you’re gonna get it from me.’ I can tell you ‘it’ is neither a holiday to Japan or a favorite toy.

As much as I hate admitting it, my defense mechanism against cutting hair is to not look at it. So I sleep while it is being cut. What’s even worse? I was always too shy to talk to the barber. So there’s a time where my brother brought me to the barber, chose a hairstyle for me and I fell asleep. I woke up with a G.I. Joe haircut. Let’s just say I wasn’t very nice to him after that incident.

When I grew a little older & was introduced to the fact that girls are a species of humans you want to impress. I hated cutting my hair even more. Maybe it’s just how stubborn my hair is or how unlucky I am, but I’m never happy with the outcome of my haircuts.

Barbers only have one way of cutting your hair. Hairstylist try to impose their artistic ideas on to your head, literally. Whatever it is, it’s always either too long, too short, not proportionate or just not up to my standard.

What’s my preferred haircut? I don’t know! Whenever I get my hair cut, I become moody. No offense ladies, but my equivalent to PMS is a mouthful of ulcers and a haircut.

I never used to believe in paying more than $10 for a haircut. Fashion and style caught up to me and I started getting my hair cut at $27. Even then I didn’t like it and will go back to a $10 haircut. I’ll only realise why I started paying $27 on the first snip.

When it comes to haircuts, I really don’t know what I want. That is my weakness. I must admit, I look better with short hair but my hair grows so fast that I need another trim in a fortnight.

Let x be $27

Twice a month, 2 x $27 = $54
In a year, 12 x $54 = OMG

So fast forward to 2 days ago, after a rough week at work. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job but it was a whirlwind of a week for me. I decided to reward myself with a wash & cut, which is normally accompanied by a massage.

The other problem with me is, when I was young, I was to shy to speak to the barber. Now, I just respect the hairstylist too much to interrupt their artistic adventure with my grass like hair. So even it goes wrong or I know it’s going to go wrong I just keep mum.

So my recent adventure to the salon was like… a lioness standing on her two hind legs, scrubbing my head and giving me a massage. I felt like dying. It reminded me how it felt like extracting my wisdom tooth. It was so bad that I would recommend anyone who was going to extract their wisdom tooth to visit this salon first. Because nothing is going to be as painful after that.

Best part was, when I was about to pay up, she said: it’s normally 20 dollars, but today it’s an additional $2. Without a word, only with a smile I paid up a ridiculous $22 for a torture chamber session on my scalp.

I hate my hair, I hate getting my haircut. This is my kryptonite, what is yours?



One Response to “Unhappy Haircuts”

  1. Essie Nasher January 24, 2011 at 11:38 pm #

    my kryptonite? prolly going outside when it’s cold out there lol

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